just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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