I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
