I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
