capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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