I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
