Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
