i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
