I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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