yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
me + whiskey = a bad person
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
