it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize