Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
