i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
