Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
