i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
