Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
