My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
