Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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