you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
