Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
