____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
