I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
