we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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