what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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