then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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