Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
