i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
