never play flip cup with pint glasses
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
