I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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