dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
