So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
