do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize