I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
