I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
