we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
