When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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