the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
