Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
