Yo dont text me then not text me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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