at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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