I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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