It's like God shit irony all over that family
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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