Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
