my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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