so explain again why im purple
no
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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