I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
