Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
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