So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
