It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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