last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
