went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
