i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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