Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
