I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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