and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
