I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
