just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
