turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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