3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
