We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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