I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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