The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
