Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
