It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
