I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
