people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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