My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
