It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
