If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
