GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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