she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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